Things That Can And Will Happen In A Nightbus in Thailand

Here I am, sitting in an old, rusty Thai bus on the way to Krabi for yet another adventure in this Asian paradise, I’m thinking about my previous destination: Pattaya, the infamous city in the east. Pattaya is known for its wild party’s, sex tourism and has an estimated 27,000 prostitutes. It is known as the world’s neon-lit sex capital.

Pattaya walking street

The famous walking street was the place where I spent most of my time. Girls and lights on both sides of the long brothel and bar filled street. Women barely dressed and hardly adults are walking through the streets on the hunt for a sugar daddy.  Pattaya is not a place for the faint hearted. It is said to be a sin city full of drugs, women, ladyboys and a dark underground scene of pedophilia and human trafficking. Maybe not the best place to be but, it was reason enough for me to give it a go to see for myself what all the arousal was about.

Negotiating the price of love

After four days in Pattaya, my body starts to shut down. The alcohol in my blood is still racing through my veins. The lack of sleep in the last 48 hours isn’t helping either. I had a blast the last few days. Pattaya had been on my bucket list for a while. It was one of the biggest reasons for me to come to Thailand. To me, Pattaya was intriguing. Travelling as a young, single guy to the sex capital of the world was something I could only dream about for years. This is Thailand, and the country is living up its name of being a crazy place for everyone who dares to enter the nightlife.

Hot tuna bar, Pattaya Thailand

At the Hot Tuna Bar, in the middle of the walking street, listening to a bad live version of “Afrika” by Thai Toto, I met Kenneth. An Ozzy who came to Pattaya for the exact same reason I did. To party hard, have a good time and to leave the bar every night with an exotic beauty. When I spotted him, he was exactly doing what I was that night. Negotiating prices with mama-san about a girl for the evening while getting drunk. We started talking and soon enough we became close friends during our time in paradise. We spent four days together in bars and cafes, weaving memories we hoped would last for a lifetime, but were often forgotten by morning because of the booze.

Time to leave this Hell-hole

Unfortunately, there’s no Pattaya nightlife anymore for me tonight. Just sadness and a terrible hangover. I’m leaning against the window and stare in the dark abyss while the bus crawls forward trough Bangkok’s narrow and busy streets. I can still smell the alcohol and hookers from the ping pong bar in my clothes while I try to catch some sleep on this horrible ride.

Only twelve more hours to go before I arrive. Twelve hours of bouncing around in a worn-out seat, crossing Thailand from east to south.

Streets of Bankok

The buses in Thailand, and pretty much all the rest of Asia are some of the worst places to be when you’re hungover, tired and desperate for rest and peace. Not only the ride itself is uncomfortable, so is tonight’s dinner; goatmilk and dry cookies. It doesn’t even come close to the amazing food that Thailand has to offer. At least it’s served by a young, beautiful stewardess who is working her shift to make sure that I don’t lack anything tonight.

When she serves me, I give her the stare that has succeeded many times before. It is the stare of a wild animal, hunting for prey, accompanied with a touch of desire and passion. At least that’s what it’s meant to look like. All she probably sees is a tired and hungover white dude staring at her with a faraway look and saliva dripping from the corner of his mouth…

This is not a joke

Sexchange in Thailand

I can only hope that she’s not one of those ladyboys that invested some money in herself to look this good. One might think that it is easy to separate a girl from a boy by looking at them but, after Pattaya I’m not sure about anything anymore. I also used to think it was physically impossible to shoot darts out of a vagina but, I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

Gender change is a popular thing here and is considered socially acceptable. Some do a better job than others though. Most ladyboys are easy to recognize. There are some exceptions though. The only two ways to find out if she still has something attached to her bottom are either asking her, or to find out the hard way when it’s too late. Asking seems to be the better option and they will usually give you a straight forward answer. Trying to avoid being abused by drunk fuckers and wild backpackers. Avoiding that they find out later that the cute girl they fixed that night is only partially female.

What have I done

The memories start to come back while I’m following the bus girl with my eyes from a dark corner at the window. I start to realize that I didn’t drink enough to forget all the things that happened to me and I’m not sure if I should be happy or embarrassed about that. Thailand already left a big black hole in my soul. It sucked in all the moments I’d rather forget and made sure they would never leave my memory again. Fuck, I made some stupid decisions there but, at least I’m having a great time so far. Despite being robbed and ripped off by dirty hookers in nasty hotel rooms and collecting STD’s in the meantime.

The hours go by and I’m still awake. I start to hallucinate. Trees and cars start to get weird shapes in the light of the few worn down shops alongside the road. The lack of sleep is really taking its toll on me now but somehow, I still can’t fall asleep. I’m trying to keep an eye on the girl’s ass and my luggage when suddenly she comes up to our seats and starts speaking to my Thai neighbor. The language sounds like Klingon to me, but I think my neighbor gets it. Without any contradiction, my new friend gets up and moves to a seat elsewhere in the bus. I don’t know why he had to leave. At least he’s gone, and I might as well enjoy the extra space.

The girl in the bus

I’m preparing myself to get comfortable to sleep when my pretty stewardess suddenly comes back and plants her cute little ass in the seat next to me. I’m getting nervous now. Maybe “the stare” worked after all. The remains of alcohol and Viagra in my body start to run on high speed through my veins again. However, right now I find myself in a mental state that wouldn’t even allow me to speak to her. I would love to find out if she’s into me. Maybe I’ll get lucky tonight.

While I’m still thinking about what to say, she beats me to it and makes a move that I didn’t expect.

She must be cold. She starts to feel comfortable and is crawling closer and closer towards me. I’ve no idea what’s going on, until her hand starts tickling my leg under the blanket.

What the hell is happening here? Why does she grab my hand as if I am her new boyfriend? I didn’t ask for this. Everything was already confusing enough up to this point and the way she’s grabbing me is not really helping to figure it all out. I don’t know how to react but, there is no way I’ll say no to what she’s about to do. Let’s just see what happens and go with the flow like I’ve been doing on this whole trip so far. Not that it brought me any good. I’m too curious to see what she’s up to though.

She gets her hand further under the blanket and is about to find out how much Viagra I took the last days in Pattaya to keep up with the GOGO girls in dodgy hotel rooms. Without a single word spoken to each other, she starts doing what many Thai girls do best… the happy ending.

What the fuck just happened?

The adrenaline rush of getting a hand job in a full bus does its work, even though I’m wide awake, I still need to pinch myself to believe that this is really happening. I wonder if it’s the exhaustion that still makes me hallucinate or if she roofied me with that evil goatmilk she gave me earlier. No, this is really happening and before this blanket gets very dirty and sticky I need to pull her hand away. It hurts to give such an abrupt end to what she’s doing but, eventually I’ll leave this bus and I’ll save myself the walk of shame in dirty pants. Other people will sleep under this blanket another day. I won’t be the one providing them a crunchy cover for the night.

She stares at me with an offended look when I pull her hand away just before the climax. Her hand leaves the warm blanket and she gets up from her seat. She looks at me one more time with a disgusted face like I am the one who came up with this idea. Eventually, still without any words spoken, she disappears again in the darkness of the Thai bus to Krabi. Leaving me under a blanket with my pants on my knees, wondering what the fuck just happened.

This is a true story, lived and experienced in Thailand, 2013 in the night bus from Bangkok to Krabi. I’m pretty sure that things like this happen all over the place and not just in that bus if you want to experience it yourself.

To all you single backpackers, vagabonds and sketchy figures in this world, Thailand is the place to be. It sucks you in and will inject you with memories for a lifetime. – Dare to Live.

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  1. Hello there,

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